Wombats Only Want One Thing

Even a few days later this news article out of New Zealand still makes me giggle uncontrollably. His defense attorney said that drinking has been a problem for Mr. Cradock in the past but not on that particular day. Obviously not. It’s clear that the only problem that day was the fact he was raped by a wombat.

It was a Friday night out and i couldn’t help but share this news tidbit with the fellas. And just as it struck me, it struck them with fits of laughter. It was very early the next morning that this article about a child molester’s claims of having been raped by Big Foot as a child landed in my inbox (Sent via one of the fellas who was so taken with the wombat story). It was then i had to explain the different levels upon which these two separate stories work. At a glance, yes, they are related. However, whereas the wombat man is a lovable scamp with a penchant for alcohol fueled fabrications, the big foot guy is a sickening criminal who is fishing for an appeal on account of insanity. He’s the absolute worst kind of criminal and he has the audacity to drag Sasquatch’s name through the mud with him? 20 years is too lenient.

It didn’t end there — it never ends anywhere — because the question was then raised where does this guy fall on the “lovable scamp/special-place-reserved-in-hell” scale. When you have a family and spend your free time away from them raping a picnic table on your patio in full view of an elementary school, well, maybe you’re not headed to hell just yet but you’re still a special kind of crazy. Honorable mentions go to his neighbor for recording these acts on four different occasions and putting that cinematic gold on three DVDs.

At the end of the day, this is all just further proof of the cruelty and depravity of humans as a species. I don’t think of myself as any better, though, because obviously this predilection of mine for stories pertaining to rape of the irregular variety is somewhat disturbing. Hey! It was either blog about this or about how bat shit insane China is!

Let’s go with another one-take bedroom recording. This is from a few weeks ago, i think. It’s another cover, this one of a Jesus and Mary Chain track. I screw up the lyrics at one point by saying the line “In the days before speech” twice. That’s the most prevalent screw up. Never Understood.

-niCk

So What? People Need Rentables!

So i was hanging out with some folks today. Everything was well. Then, however, this girl asks me if i’m going to go to school.

“No.”

I guess she didn’t understand what exactly “no” encompassed, as she then inquired if i ever plan on going to school.

“No.”

And then having her questions answered fully but perhaps not to her satisfaction, she decided to insult me. I know this girl; we were once an “item” and i know her tones of voice. She has many and few are tones one wishes to have projected onto themselves. It was for this reason i knew what she said next was indeed an insult and not merely an observation.

She said in her unctuous tone, “So you’re just going to put up tents, get unemployment, put up tents, and get unemployment for the rest of your life?”

“That’s the plan.” I’m an underachiever and you’re a mediocre film school student who commits prototypical art school cliches to film. If we’re done here can i go back to being a loser while you climb back atop the high-ground you seek eternally? That’s great, thanks. Fuck you.

-niCk

Sounds Like a Waste of Time

So i had this idea for a song. On Saturday i had my friend play some bass parts and then i spent the next couple days recording some guitar parts, synths, piano, and programming drums. Today i was sitting there with Adobe Audition open looking at this multitrack for the one billionth time in the past few days. I kept tinkering — turning things up and down in the mix, trying different effects on tracks, removing some tracks completely, recording all new parts — and finally i said to my turtle, “This sounds like shit.”

-niCk

Lover, Sandwich Maker, and NIN Fan

Saturday 2:10 am : My phone vibrates violently… it’s a text message from Kaitlin. Written is “Make me feel better,” and attached is a rather seductive (But tasteful) picture of her. A stupid grin came across my face and i did what any sensible guy would do: Closed my laptop, got out of bed, went to the kitchen, and made myself a cheese and pickle sandwich (A sensible, vegetarian guy). Sorry, Love, but not only did you forget your current locale (RE: New York), but you also forgot that i don’t have unlimited text/pic messaging — that stuff adds up after awhile!

So yesterday evening Trent Reznor decided to release an album. Just because it was Sunday or something. No press, no leaks, just a post on nin.com directing us to the new album(s), Ghosts I-IV. And it wasn’t like, “So here are a few new songs i’ve been working on.” No, that wasn’t it at all. It was more like, “Here’s 36 bleeping tracks that i worked on in the bleeping autumn, and when you play these bleepity-bleeps together it adds up to nearly two bleeping hours of bleeping music!”

Now, where i come from, a move like this qualifies a man as a straight up baller. A straight up baller pimp. The music being good wasn’t even a requirement for earning this title, but by the love of g.o.b. this shit is off the chain. So picture this: Trent Reznor and his main man Atticus Ross dialing up a wide variety of organic, spacey and psychedelic tracks with a little help from cabaret-tastic drummer Brian Viglione, Italian ladies’ man and synth extroadinaire Alessandro Cortini, and legendary guitar virtuoso — my favourite guitarist, by the way — Adrian Belew (You know, from King Crimson, Talking Heads, David Bowie, Frank Zappa and the Mothers).

What you’re not going to hear is vocals. At all. What you are going to hear is a breathtaking two-hour soundtrack to a movie that has never been made, and can probably never be on account of the fact it would blow everyone’s f’ing mind to smithereens. And the PDF file that comes with the download is a visual aid that makes this release twice as good. This is the best new Nine Inch Nails material released in six years; the best new Nine Inch Nails album in almost nine years.

Go! Download the first nine tracks for free! Buy all 36 for $5! Buy a physical copy for $10! If you’re crazy get that deluxe edition for $75! If you hate your kids and don’t want them to go to college then buy the limited edition with the vinyl and other stuff signed by Trent for $300!

I’m blown away. This is digital distribution done right. This is music done right.

-niCk

Bedroom Rock

When not running around as the Cookie Monster (Totally forgot about that until just now) i like to dabble in the audio arts. I’ve been known to spend a bit of time tinkering with soft synths or the good old analog variant, making wonderfully unattractive walls of sound in the process. There are other times, however, when i choose to pick up a guitar and record quaint, cozy one-take recordings in my bedroom, which brings me to the point of this post: My quaint, cozy one-take recordings.

Many good things can come from such an action. For instance, i improvised this little slice of sloppy muddiness one day in 2006, which i later polished up into this full-fledged track at the beginning of 2007 to be released on an album of similar tunes titled “Der Ausklang”. Without tape rolling, most likely that idea would have eventually disappeared from my mind.

Sometimes it’s fun to not even be original. Covers can be the quaintest and coziest artifacts of all! This is truly the classic cliché of sitting at the foot of your bed strumming a guitar. The only difference here is that there’s a mic sitting in front of me running into a Behringer mixer along with my guitar, which is then run into one of my laptops with Adobe Audition and Guitar Rig ready and running. Totally quaint.

Results from two days ago are below. One take, minimum mixing and production, and a penchant for f’ing up…

April Skies

Jesus Doesn’t Want Me For A Sunbeam 

And so here begins something i would like to continue in addition to whatever i feel like blogging about. Let’s call it Bedroom Rock.

Dusche Ballen, Or Why Sharia Law Redeems Itself

 

So someone got themselves perished in the home i grew up in for the first 13 years of my life. It’s really quite tragic; didn’t even live there, only 19, just visiting his boo. The church next to us purchased our house when we put it up for sale, we thought with the intentions of expanding their parking lot. Instead they began renting it out. Maybe it’s time to reconsider those expansion plans, huh?

I was reading the news as usual because i’m a masochists who likes to be depressed, and i came across this story of 57 Saudi men arrested for flirting. At first i thought this was quite messed up — “The Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice” sounding like something from a book i skimmed — but then i read the article again. This is what made my sympathies subside: They were arrested in front of a shopping mall, dancing to pop music bumpin’ from their car systems, wearing improper clothing, and of course mackin’ on some fine ladies.

Now it doesn’t matter where you live, what i just described here is what is internationally recognized as the lifestyle and behaviour of a douchebag. Did you put a sound system in your car not specifically for your enjoyment but for the perturbment of others within three square miles? You’re a douche. Are you listening to shitty music on that system? You’re a douche. Are you harassing women who probably don’t want anything to do with you? You’re a douche. Are you wearing a pink fucking polo shirt (I bet they f’ing were!)? You’re a douche.

That stuff doesn’t fly in the Midwest. It sure as shit isn’t going to fly in Mecca.

-niCk

Out of Shape and Form

 

I’m out of f’ing shape. I worked seven combined hours between yesterday and today and parts of me that shouldn’t hurt do hurt. I should probably start some sort of light workout regimen between now and May. That way when we become busy again I won’t have to go through a month of aches and pains because I’m an inactive lump of lumpiness right now.

Friday is nearly here which means: UPS Store, Yesterdog, Guitar Center, Rock Band, Beaners, Meijer, and IHOP, in that order. Guitar Center is always a slippery slope as I have a distinct addiction to guitars (Those are just the ones i own right NOW, not in the past). The onslaught has no end in sight either, as i am pawning one of those guitars off to a friend (That lovely black and chrome Stratocaster) and buying myself a new Hagstrom; perhaps exhibit A or perhaps exhibit B. What can i say? I love all things stringed and European. It only makes sense to combine those loves.

Well, that’s my first blog here. I think i like this layout so there should be more to come — stuff that might just be interesting, and not just me testing out hyperlinks and picture uploads.. Maybe. Or i’ll just keep linking stuff…

-niCk